A Glimpse into My Story

There is something really intimidating, yet powerful about sharing your story.

It’s uncomfortable to put yourself out there into the judgement of the world. It’s uncomfortable to imagine what others may think of you. It’s intimidating showing your true character unapologetically. But this all holds so much power. 

You will never be fully happy and free until you stop searching for outside approval.

Once I decided that MY opinion of myself was the only one that mattered, I immediately felt the freedom and confidence to start this blog and open myself up in a whole new way. 

 I think of myself as a more reserved, private person. Recently, though, I have come to love hearing others’ stories and telling my own. Your story doesn’t have to start from the time you were born. It doesn’t have to start at any particular time actually; it’s YOUR story, and you can tell it however YOU want. 

I want to share a piece of my story with anyone who will take the time to read it. No, I am not going to write every raw detail about my life because the specifics aren’t relevant, but I am going to share what I have learned from my experiences, and how I came to be who I am today.

So who am I?

I am compassionate, empathetic, harmonious, strong, kind, fierce, authentic, and more.

I am a daughter, a sister, a leader, a lover, and a dog/cat aunt. 

I am a believer, not just in my faith, but in the universe, and that all things happen exactly how they are supposed to happen.

I am passionate about mental health and bringing awareness to stigmas.
“Authentic” was not always a part of my list of affirmations. If I’m being honest, I probably would have used the word “conformist” not too long ago.

I am naturally a people pleaser, and I tend to avoid conflict. I didn’t like to share my political beliefs or my views on religion because I didn’t think that I knew enough or that my opinions were even valid. Digging deeper, I didn’t share this because I was scared of what other people would think. This transformed into low self-esteem. 

I have always embodied the things I listed above, but I have never been able to say them out loud because of the way I viewed myself. It held me back from being a strong leader and from giving all I had to offer to those I love and care about.

Over the past few years, I have suppressed my emotions and trauma to the point of depression. I began to internalize all my thoughts and fears due to my introverted nature.

At one of my lowest points, I found myself clinging to a toxic relationship. I was going into my sophomore year of college and I had no idea who I was or what I wanted for my life. I had changed my major, still not sure what I would even do with a biology degree.

The relationship I was in had ended and picked back up three times before the start of the semester, only to dramatically crumble when we got back to school. I felt so much guilt and shame for things I had done, or who I thought I had become. I couldn’t see the toxicity around me and lacked the self-awareness to understand why I was in this situation. I didn’t think that I could ever forgive myself and be happy again.

Here’s a glimpse into what my life consisted of during this time:

Needless to say, I had a lot going on. This all happened within 8 months — most actually occurring within the same semester.

After leaving school, I pursued a permanent leadership position within my current job and put my focus on growing with the company. This company is lululemon, for those who don’t know me. lululemon is a company that values their people and physical/ mental health.

Along with that, I made some of the best friends of my life while at work. My coworkers are more than just coworkers — I have a unique relationship with each person on our team and I would feel comfortable confiding in any of them. I am truly blessed to be able to say that whole-heartedly.

Much more has happened in my life since then, but the bulk of it has been a journey of reflection, self-discovery, and healing. Now, I sit here typing out what used to be an incredibly painful reflection, into a story that I will continue writing in hopes of inspiring others and providing a safe place for sharing your own.

I didn’t get here overnight, obviously. I know what it’s like to not be able to get out of bed, or to not want to shower, exercise, or eat. Like I stated before, I struggled with low self-esteem and depression. I still struggle with these things to a certain extent, but I have found ways to navigate through them to choose happiness. If you are struggling to heal from trauma, I encourage you to try these actions that helped me:

• TALK. Whether you talk to a family member, teacher, partner, friend, boss, therapist, etc., I encourage you to share your story with them. You never know what insight someone may have, and they may just help you change your life. 
• READ. Find a book about what you’re going through. Research self-help books that are geared toward the experiences in your life. I have tons of recommendations and would love for you to reach out to me for suggestions. 
• REFLECT. Take some time to learn about yourself. Take a personality quiz; dig in to your enneagram type; journal your thoughts and feelings and how your personality may affect how you handle situations.
• LISTEN. When you reach out for support, listen with intention. This may seem like common sense, but the practice of intentional listening can change the way you receive information.
• LOVE. Give yourself grace. You’re not perfect, and no one expects you to be. You are your own worst critic, but you’re also the only one who can truly get you back to a good place. Choose to cheer yourself on and to love yourself when you are down. 

It’s OKAY not to be okay.  If you practice any of the tools listed above and really apply them to your life, you will start to notice change. Your mood will eventually brighten, you will start seeing a better future for yourself, and you’ll feel a huge weight off your shoulders. This doesn’t work over night, and it definitely isn’t easy learning the dark aspects of yourself, but it’s WORTH it. You are worth it. 

I’d love to connect with you!  If this post inspired you or spoke to you in any way, I want to hear about it! I’m here to listen and support anyone ready to reach out.

Lots of love,

Bella